Speaking of the dagger. Women often complain that their husbands never take their side when she has an argument with his mother or another woman. I ask the woman then: “If two men were fighting each other with daggers, would you step in between them?” This is how men perceive two women fighting. If he interferes, he is going to get hurt – probably in the groin region. The secret is not to fight with another woman, but rather to lay down the weapon, move in behind her man, and trust him to protect her. He might not do it the way she wants him to (don’t tell him what to do), but he will protect her. She may want him to call his mother and give her a piece of his mind.
He might solve it by just keeping the two of them apart. He hates conflict, remember, and he hates being the anti-hero more. Telling his mother to butt-out makes him a major anti-hero. Please understand this. (I did not say it was fair.) Men do not like bitchy and sarcastic women.
They are oblivious to the finer nuances in a catfight, but they can recognise open sarcastic, bitchy hostility and they don’t like it. Most women are clever enough to stage a scene to make the other woman seem the bitch. Men never like seeing a dagger coming from a woman’s mouth because they never know when it will be directed at them.
One man was caught in an argument between his wife and their best female friend. He happened to agree with the other girl’s point of view. “What was I supposed to do?” he asked me. “If you were at a dinner party and you made some comment that someone else disagreed with, would you want your wife to have your back, or would you want her to side with the other person against you?
When we are in a partnership, we back each other up. You may just put your arm around your wife and say: “Even if I disagree with my wife’s point of view, I support her right to express her opinion.” Or just put your arm around her and say nothing. That would make her feel that you are protecting her, without having to agree with her.”
Remember in one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, where the mermaids hang on to the rowing boats of the pirates, and they have the sweetest, serene, beautiful faces and suddenly they open their mouths revealing their terrible fangs? That pretty much describes what happens when that TONE OF VOICE and the daggers emerge.
Check out men’s profiles on dating sites. What is the one major off-putting characteristic they all agree on? Sarcasm.
A man walks up to his girlfriend at a social function. He asks if he can get her a refill. “I thought you’d never ask. You would let me die of thirst here,” she says and holds her glass out to him. He will refill her drink and hand it to her silently. And he will pick a fight with her on the way home and he will probably just drop her off at the gate. What if she had just smiled and said: “Thanks, you’re my hero.” He would have been attentive and affectionate towards her and all the other women would have complained to their husbands and boyfriends asking why could they not be more like that man who clearly adores his girlfriend?
The woman says: “You know,” wagging her finger in the air, “you would walk past this smelly dustbin and not even think of taking it out. I have to do everything in this house.” Then she wonders why he just looks at her and then resumes watching television. What happened to: “Would you please take out the dustbin for me, it’s heavy and smelly.” His first reaction would probably be: “Must I do it now?” (I told you it’s not fair.) Then she responds: “Yes please, I want to start dinner and it’s smelly and I’m sure you are hungry too.” If she smiles when she asks, he will do it. When he returns and she thanks him for being her hero, he will probably hang around the kitchen and ask if there is anything else he can do to help her. Ask him to peel the onions. Why don’t women just ask nicely when they want men to do something for them?
Why do women think they have to manipulate to get something? Ask nicely, charm a little and stroke his ego, it works better. Men are not stupid. They know when they are being manipulated and they resent it. They also know when they are being charmed and they love it. Just be sincere. If she does not want to stroke his ego and be charming towards him, what is she doing there? Is this not the man she is supposed to be in love with? The more truly feminine she is, the more she activates the hero. If he does not respond with heroic actions, leave.
One woman asked: “So must I continuously lick his boots to get him to do something?” “No, just ask nicely,” I answered. “Must I then continuously praise him and tell him he is my hero?” she asked. “Why not? You did it when you dated. You married your hero. Why not remind him of it? What do you have to lose? You may just regain your hero.”
One man explains: “Please don’t lose the praising. You will profit double in return and other women will envy the way he spoils you.”