Author’s note

Whenever I testify as an expert witness psychologist in court, I always make a point of declaring: I am not here to condemn or condone the behaviour, but to explain the behaviour.

The same principle applies to this book. I am not saying what men do is fair from a woman’s point of view. I am telling it as it is, as the men have related it to me.

Men and women think differently. Not only do men think differently about relationships than women, they think differently than women think men think. Think about that.

I am also not writing this book to teach women how to catch men. If a woman tries to catch a man, she has already lost him. If women want to adapt their behaviour and get in touch with their own femininity, which may just happen to appeal to the heroes out there, then so be it. If women prefer to be pugnacious and hell-bent on cutting men down to size, it is their choice. Men don’t find it very appealing.

If men read this book and feel the need to up their game and man-up: good, because the human race needs heroes.


I have walked with heroes and hunted villains. No  one needs to remind me of how bad men can be. Perhaps my proficiency in profiling the very worst of men many years ago, also cultivated my ability to recognise good men – the heroes. This book is inspired by the everyday, unsung heroes who have crossed my path.

Men are born with the innate instinct to provide and protect. It is what makes them men, it defines their “raison d’etre” on earth. Intrinsically they know, if they align their existence with this dual  purpose,  then they are good men, heroes. What disturbs the hero’s mental equilibrium most is being the anti-hero. They detest it and they will try to avoid it at all costs.


Outline of chapters below:

Chapter 1 – Action Heroes: Protectors and Warriors

Men communicate through action, not words. A wise woman will appreciate this and will have acquired the skill to interpret his action-language and  not expect him … view more>>

Chapter 2 – Generous Heroes: Providers

How do you know when a man likes a woman? He buys her things. Money is the means by which men express themselves. They express their love … view more>>

Chapter 3 – Heroes on their Quests

A man without a purpose is a lost soul. The majority of men have a plan, they just do not always reveal it, for they fear disappointing the woman if things …  view more>>

Chapter 4 – Heroes in Love

This is a tricky one… Men crave seduction, women crave  romance. How can he adore her, if she is not adorable? Dating is not a relationship. At what point …  view more>>

Chapter 5 – Virile Heroes

When a woman smiles at a man, within split seconds he releases a potent cocktail of neurotransmitters and hormones that primes him for action. Men can … view more>>

Chapter 6 – Rogues, Villains and Vixens: Pathological Relationships

The pathological pas-de- deux between the Rescuer and the Victim springs from deep seated unmet psychological needs. Medusa was once a … view more>>

Chapter 7 – Heroes getting Hitched

A man has a different tick list for girlfriends and for a wife. One of the most important elements they all agree upon: “She must have my back.” When a … view more>>

Chapter 8 – The Anti-hero: Break-up and Divorce

Man-down. Swords are drawn. It is against his nature to attack those he was supposed to protect, so when he does, it exacerbates his experience … view more>>

Chapter 9 – The Seasoned Hero: Second time around

Odysseus has sailed the seas, weathered the storms and faced many adversaries when he finally returns home again, older and wiser. Some men … view more>>