The male apology
Many women expect men to verbally apologise or agree with them. Why? He is a man, he has an ego – which is a good thing – why insist on a verbal apology? It is not his language. He is action orientated. He will SHOW her he is sorry by filling her car with petrol, buying her flowers, or just doing something for her. Once she understands this, and acknowledges the act of apology, without insisting on the verbal apology, he will thank his lucky stars for being with the best woman in the world and he will endeavour to spoil her more.
Case example:
A couple had a huge argument at a friend’s house. As they approached the garden gate on their way out, the man stopped and picked a flower. “We must get you a plant like this,” he said and offered her the flower. She slapped the flower from his hand. What she did not realise was that the offering of the flower was his way of apologising. Men would much rather express themselves through such an action, than with a verbal apology. It’s the way they are.
Many men told me they do not always expect a woman to say she is sorry if she did something that offended him. They rather want her to understand why he was offended. For example discussing his shortcomings with his friends is excruciatingly embarrassing to a warrior. Betraying his secrets and embarrassing him in company are some of the worst offences.
Fighting his battles
Remember men are warriors. Some women however, think they can snatch the sword from his hand and fight the battle for him. (He wants her to be able to fight her own battles when he is not there, but don’t fight his battles when he is present.) When this occurs, he will either attack her, or sit back and watch her make a fool of herself. Men usually have a reaction: “Well then, see if you can do it better, but don’t come running to me if you get hurt.” Battlefield is male territory, if a woman engages in battle, she becomes a comrade or an enemy, not the woman he needs to protect. And he wants to be with a woman whom he can protect, because it makes him feel good. What makes the woman think she can handle his situation better?
Case example:
A man and his girlfriend approached the client liaison officer at the bank. The man explained that he wanted to switch bank accounts. The client liaison officer was a bit haughty. The girlfriend stepped up from behind him, pushed her way in front, wagged her finger at the liaison officer and told her her fortune. The man left the bank. The girlfriend said she just tried to help. Soon after, he left the girlfriend too. Men do not require women to take up arms for them. They need women to back them up. The emphasis is on Stay back.
Another more mild example of snatching the sword from his hand would be a couple sitting at a table in a restaurant and the waiter taking his time to attend to them. Then the woman waves a waiter over or worse, gets up and fetches a waiter to the table. Sit back, lady, relax. He has it under control. She will get her food and he will pay for it too. It may be a good idea as well to tell the man what she would like to order in stead of directly to the waiter. Men look forward to treating a lady to dinner. It resents them with an opportunity to be a hero, to treat her and spoil her. It is not that he is buying your gratitude, because he is paying for dinner, it is more just a matter of good manners to show genuine appreciation. Is it really too much to ask to make him feel like the hero? I think not.
Heroes never kick the bunny
When I was still a profiler, a murder and robbery commander invited me to his house. He wanted to show me something. The detectives were quite curious, so we all went along. He showed me his children’s bunny. I held the bunny and stroked its ears. The men were mesmerised. I put the bunny down and it hopped around on the lawn. Their gazes followed the bunny. When the bunny approached one of them, the others would caution him to watch out for the bunny. I realised there is a code of honour among men: No one kicks the bunny. They protect the bunny and they feel good protecting the bunny. I am not advocating that women should hop around the lawn, but since women have a deep seated need to feel safe, what’s wrong with activating the protector and making the men feel good about it? It’s a win-win.
The last word on men and action: A man has got to do what a man has got to do. Don’t stand in his way, rather trust that he will do it well, and he may just want to come home to you, without you having to try and catch him.
