When a woman did something to upset the man, and she wants to set things right, she can make love to him and he will forgive her. Making love is an action and men are action orientated. They experience seeking intimacy as a sign of seeking reconciliation. I am not saying that women should manipulate men with sex. If she thinks she can just make love to him, without sincere remorse for what she has done, he will take the sex, but not forgive her. It’s foul play. This also depends on the severity of the transgression. Sleeping with him in order for him to forgive her for sleeping with his best friends is not going to work.
If a man messed up and thinks he can make love to the woman as an act of retribution, he is making a BIG mistake. It does not work that way in a woman’s world. The woman wants to TALK about it first, before he touches her.
Most women thrive on affection. They like to cuddle and to be touched. Remember I said a woman’s sexual sense is touch. If a man wants sex at night, it may be a good idea to shower her with affection during the day. By the way it is not advisable to touch a woman when she is cooking or nurturing a child. Men often hug their wives when they are standing in front of the stove. Don’t.
She is tending to the saucepan simmering on a hot plate, her hands smell like onions and she is not feeling sexy. Same applies when she is changing a nappy or feeding a child. She is in Mommy-mode. A man would not like it if she distracts him when he is fixing a sewerage problem and his hands are full of pooh, or when he is holding a power tool in his hands. She will appreciate it if he helps her to prepare dinner, or just chats to her. The sooner the evening chores are done, and if he draws her a bubble bath, well now, that might work. Just to mention it, many men like affection too. People differ in their opinions on a public display of affection. It’s just a personal thing, nothing to cause a major raucous about. Just communicate personal preferences!
The cuddle hormone
Everybody knows testosterone is the male hormone and oestrogen is the female hormone. Oxytocin is the “cuddle” hormone. Both genders produce oxytocin during sex. This makes men feel tender towards the woman they are intimate with and it makes them feel vulnerable. Many men realise this. This is often why men grab their pants and run after sex. They know they are vulnerable and they don’t want to share those vulnerabilities with her. She may exploit his vulnerability.
Some husbands no longer sleep with their wives, not because they don’t want the sex, rather because they are avoiding these vulnerable episodes. He does not trust her with his secrets any longer. Some men abscond right after sex because he knows this is also the time when his feelings for her will surface and he is not ready to face those feelings – just in case she gets the idea that sleeping together means a relationship. Some men can’t deal with her feelings.
The adult, mature thing to do is actually to stay the night. Cuddle, hold her and make her feel safe. Isn’t that what being a hero is all about? Basically, if you are not prepared to stay the night like a gentleman, don’t get into bed. If you are not ready for the relationship, or just interested in casual sex, at least have the decency to honestly discuss this with her before you get into her bed. You may be surprised at her answer. Not all women equate staying the night with “now we are moving in together,” but women are not generally in awe of “fly by nights”.