The Seasoned Hero: Second Time Around

seasoned-heroes The recovered divorced man has several new partnership options, more than the recovered divorced woman.He can date younger never-been-married-before women, divorced women with or without children, or widows.

Divorced women can usually only date divorced men or widowers. Some women find younger-never-been-married men, but mostly they do not. Toyboys are expensive.

Who are his options?

Some divorced parents are seriously only looking for a partner to help them raise their children. Custody of children are often granted to mothers. Many young divorcees in their 30s struggling to get by on insufficient maintenance, or single mothers, are desperately trying to catch a wealthy divorced man, to pay for their children’s tuition and secure their future.

The easiest way to catch such a man of course is by falling pregnant. It is quite shocking how many women still catch a man by falling pregnant and how many men still fall for this. When I warn the men of this possibility, they give me that double-take look, which means they never considered that it could happen to them.

Some women in their 40s and 50s find themselves in a predicament where their husbands left them for younger women, or just walked out because they had had enough. Some of these women walked out because they had had enough. Whatever the reason, they suddenly find themselves in a situation where they have a tremendous loss of income, or no income, for husbands are not obliged to pay maintenance forever. These women have no property in their names, no pension provision, no annuities and they suddenly have to work, while they have been out of the market for years. They have no skills and no experience.

They endure a serious downgrade in their lifestyle and they resent this. They feel that life has cheated them. They got a raw deal. They are angry at themselves for giving up doing their own thing when they got married or never having cultivated their own thing in the first place. The fantasy or expectancy of “catching a rich husband and becoming a not-having-to-workstayat-home-Mom” bombed out. Their resentment is quite clear in their attitude and relations towards men, yet they hope to land themselves a rich man to regain and maintain their previous lifestyle. They have to compete with younger divorcees but at least the older women’s children have left the nest.

The men are once bitten twice shy and they run rings around these women. They do not want to be caught in bitter divorce settlements with women who are after their money, for a second time. They are already supporting their ex-wives and paying maintenance for their children.

They do not want the financial burden of looking after another man’s children. So they date the women, but shy away from commitment. These women now find themselves in the very difficult position where they have to find employment and make provision for retirement. Some women are desperate enough to fall pregnant deliberately, especially if they have no income.

Some men may not regard themselves as affluent men or a catch, so they do not take precautions, but to a desperate woman,  who feels unsafe, any income he may earn is rich to her. If she cannot stand on her own two feet after a divorce, and start earning her own living, what makes him think she will support him and have his back, when things may go bad for him?

This is a bleak picture. Does love not enter the equasion anywhere? The upside is if there was no hope, why would there be so many people on dating sites seriously looking for partners? (Granted, some are just looking for sex.) People still want to be together and despite the odds, they are still hoping for love. Heroes do get second or even third chances of being someone else’s hero. Some people learn from their mistakes, some don’t. Some heroes still confuse “rescuing” with an heroic act. It is not.

Some seasoned older divorced heroes honestly believe they can date or marry very young women in their 20s.

As I told one of my middle-aged male friends: “Show me the queue of young nymphomaniacs lining up outside?

Let’s face it, you are no longer the pick of the litter either, and unless you have a six digit bank balance and looking for a real bimbo, rather settle for the woman who has also been around the block and who can appreciate you for the hero you are, warts and all.” He did and he is happily married today.