Some men cheat and have affairs. Some men hope their wives will forgive them. I asked the men how they would prefer their wives to react when they find out that the men were sleeping around. Except for the one man who said he would like it if his wife joined him and his girlfriend, most of the others concluded that the wife should not feel threatened about him sleeping around. “It’s usually just sex,” one explained. “I would not want to sacrifice the stability of my family life for the girl I am sleeping around with.” A man may be sexually turned on, but emotionally turned off.
Men seem to distinguish between “just sleeping around” and having an affair. An affair is more serious and involves emotions and can be a threat to the marriage. I asked the men how they would react if their wives were having affairs. Unanimously they agreed that they would take it seriously, because “women’s emotions are involved when they sleep with a man.” Do they ever consider the emotions of those women they are just sleeping around with?
Many men cheat. Some people say it is in a man’s nature to want to “sow his seed.” Some men may cheat, but then he meets one woman whom he will never cheat. He loves her, he does not want to hurt her and she fulfils him emotionally and sexually. She is the ONE he stays true to.
Let us explore a woman’s typical reaction to her husband cheating on her. Her reaction is basically the same to any lie.
I explain to men a woman’s intuition (that little alarm that tells her when something is wrong – when something threatens her safety – for that is all that intuition is) is as deep seated as a man’s aversion to being the anti-hero.
That scares a man. For he knows that awful, devastating, debilitating feeling of being a disappointment, being the anti-hero. It is unbearable. The difference between men and women is, when he is the anti-hero, it drains his energy and debilitates him. The hero’s battery is flat. On the other hand, when women feel insecure, they get active.
Their minds go into turbo mode and they tell themselves all kinds of nasty things and then they act on those nasty things. They check his phone, hack into his emails and laptop, open his mail, track his car, follow him and hire a detective. They phone people, threaten people and sometimes they even poison people. I kid you not.
I listened to one man describing his wife’s paranoid jealousy and possessiveness. I asked him why he did not obtain a divorce. He said it would crush them both financially.
His wife and children were beneficiaries of a trust and it would be a very difficult process to extract his finances intact. This raised the alarm for me. “So your wife would gain more by your death than by a divorce. Are you sure she is not poisoning you?” He assured me she would not go that far. A week later he came to see me.
His face was ash white. His domestic helper had confirmed to him that the wife had asked her to procure muti (poisonous plant material) to poison him. He moved into the garden apartment on his property and only ate meals he prepared himself.
This man did not cheat on his wife, but some men do. Men often hide the truth from women because they want to “protect” them. Believe me, she knows already, or she suspects and a suspicious, insecure woman is a dangerous woman. TELL HER.
If a man cheated on a woman, he thinks he can hide it from her. She knows. Deep down, she knows, because her intuition warned her. Some women may prefer to ignore it, because she is not strong enough to confront it, or she may believe she can’t live without him and she does not want to lose him at any cost, or she may not want to sacrifice the lifestyle they share, or she protects the children. Or she had an affair herself.