Heroes On Their Quests – Free spirits

Free spirits

Men need to hunt, to seek, to embark on a quest, and eventually to leave a legacy. Some of them develop the common sense to realise there need to be people or just a person to appreciate that legacy, whatever it is, else it would be lost and turn into dust and that would be a sorry state of affairs. It may also be more meaningful when there is a woman who accompanies him to witness his journey, inspire him, record it, appreciate it, see it, praise him and to believe in him. Sometimes these women may be free spirits themselves, who can align their own destinies or purpose with his without smothering him, dampening his spirits or tying him down.

Some woman can be the wind beneath his wings, and not the ball and chain around his ankles. These are the independent women all men say they yearn for, but whom few men can actually truthfully handle. These are the women who embrace their femininity, who do not want to be the better man, who do not regard praising him as the hero as a denigrating experience. These are women who are in touch with their inner goddess and celebrate the liberation of a man being the man. They are not helpless, needy, dependent, greedy, devious, cynical, or manipulating, but they do need heroes. Real heroes, who man-up to the challenge of being her man. These women are not interested in relationships with immature men. They are not out to catch men. In their view a relationship need not necessarily lead to a life long commitment, but it does need to be a solid relationship and it may even last a life time.

I digressed but now I return to the point that men will give up the love of their lives to follow their quests, that love is not their main priority. “They got married and they lived happily ever after”, is the ending of women’s fantasy fairy tales. “Riding off into the sunset on his trusty steed”’ or “going down in a blaze of glory,”’ like Butch and Sundance is the ending of cowboy novels. (If you don’t know who Butch and Sundance were, you may be too young to read this book.)

I pause here to allow this phenomenon to sink in….

The men answer they may lose the love of their lives when they are not ready for her. She may marry another man. He may meet and marry another woman and secretly always pine for his lost love, thinking she is better off without him. Very noble. I am sure Queen Penelope felt the same.

The point is a man wants a woman who can align with his quest. Aligning with the quest does not mean hijacking the quest, or abandoning hers to sheepishly follow his. He needs a woman who understands the importance of the quest. It makes him the better man and she needs to inspire him to that pinnacle of manhood. She needs to understand this need of his and not stand in his way or fight it or criticise him or blame him for striving towards it. He certainly resents her nagging him to do something else, like marrying her. Usually this quest is represented by his work, but it may be an ambition or a passion or a secret dream like sailing the seven seas.


Case example

A CEO of his own company takes his wife to dinner in a fancy restaurant. His cell phone rings. “I have to take this, there is a crisis at the workshop.” He spends a good 20 minutes on the phone on the balcony of the restaurant. She sits alone at the table, waiting. When he returns, she has either left the restaurant or she is furious and starts bickering, or she has the icy sullen face. He is definitely not getting sex that night.

Men want women to understand that that 20 minute phone call is what pays for that fancy dinner. Women want men to understand she would rather have a hamburger at Wimpy and his undivided attention for one night. The woman who does not complain, but orders his favourite meal, or asks the kitchen to keep it warm for him, is the one who understands the quest. She gets him. He will make it up to her. Maybe with a holiday in Santorini. Sounds fair to me.