Heroes On Their Quests – Love of your life?

Love of your life?

Heroes have a quest. It drives them. Despite everything. They need to find and follow this passion, this quest. Sometimes the quest is off the beaten track, like becoming a famous photographer, or a hunter – remember Robert Redford’s character in the movie Out of Africa – but mostly it involves their career and making money. It is the number one priority. The woman or the wife is not the number one priority. She may become a main distraction for a while, but she is not the lifelong priority. She may become the end to the means – some men realise eventually to amass such riches and to have no one to share it with (or to spend it on) is meaningless and his wife or family becomes the end to the means. The quest / passion / job remains the means to the end though.

Speaking metaphorically, a man may feel that he needs a four carat diamond before he can rightfully and honourably stand in front of a woman and ask her to marry him. “What if she is the love of your life and you may lose her if you go off on this quest? What if she says she does not need a four carat diamond, she just wants you?” I ask. All the men I asked responded exactly the same… they just shrugged their shoulders. “You stand to lose the love of your life. You will never get another love like this, ever?” “So be it,” they all answer without exception. Pose this question to a woman and she will sacrifice anything and drop everything, including her panties, for the love of her life.

The right woman at the right time at the right place. The right woman, the wrong time and wrong place; no go. She may be the woman he wants to marry, but if he is not ready to get married, he WILL LET HER GO. She remembers the wonderful times they shared when they were in love, the promises he made and how all of that just evaporated one day in a flash. She asks herself: “Does he not love me? “ He does. But it is not enough. She may make the perfect wife, but if he does not want to get married, that will not convince him. She may be Miss Right, but if he is Mr Not Ready, he will leave her and avoid her, even if it breaks his heart and it certainly breaks her heart.

Love is not enough, if a man is not ready. She may sleep with him, to rekindle his feelings, and of course he will sleep with her, because he loves her and she is offering herself to him, but that will not make him stay. HE WILL STILL LEAVE. He will avoid her so as not to witness her heartbreak, he will emerge himself in work to be too busy or too tired to think of her, and the last thing she should do is run after him, or tell him he is the love of her life. He knows. He does not want to hear it. He is not ready. Hitch your horses, lady, and move on. He does not want to get hitched. IF HE IS NOT READY, IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.


Case example

One man was an ardent sportsman and trained for the Olympics. He met a young woman who stunned him from the first moment he saw her. She lived in another town. He did not pursue the relationship, for he was focused on his training and could not afford the effort of maintaining a long distance relationship and train for the Olympics. She carried on living her own life. Six months later, they met up again. He realised she was the love of his life.

Guess what? They dated for a year and he broke up with her because the relationship was getting too serious and he was pursuing a gold medal. Again, she did not wait for him. She carried on with her life. Did he miss her? Yes he did! Did he kick his own butt for losing her? Yes he did! Did he saddle his horse and go looking for the love of his life? No. A year later he ran into her for the third time. By this time he had earned his gold medal. He felt worthy of standing in front of her and asked her to be his wife. They are still happily married today.


He can count himself lucky and favoured by the gods.