Heroes in Love – Habitats and watering holes

Habitats and watering holes

Single men and women often ask me where can they meet the opposite sex. Besides the obvious social media sites, which are quite acceptable these days, people still meet other people through friends. Many start cycling or join gyms, but no one is at their most attractive with sweaty helmet hair or smelling like Hercules after he had slain the lion. Anyway it takes a long, long time before people in the gym actually talk to each other.

Many singles state they do not want to hang around in pubs and clubs to meet people, especially the older generation. I have noticed that men and women differ in their habitats, like animals. Men are nocturnal and hunt at night. Women forage during the day. Many single women seldom venture out alone at night, because it is dangerous. They may go to the movies or dinner at a restaurant in a mall accompanied by other women, but generally they don’t like travelling alone in their cars after dark. They go to the malls and flea markets and food markets over the weekend, during daylight hours. When the sun sets and they have no date, they get DVDs and take-aways.

Guys sleep late on Saturday mornings and then lie on the couch watching sport during the remaining daylight hours. (Those hours when the girls are out there in the malls, in their pretty flouncing dresses). Or the guys visit Outdoor Expos, while the girls go to the Hobby or Design Expos. When the sun sets, the guys shower and get dressed to go out to hunt. (When all the girls are inside watching DVDs) When the hunt was unsuccessful, the guys go home and have a barbeque with their mates and get drunk and sleep late on Sunday morning, when the girls are hanging out at the flea markets and the nurseries and the outdoors coffee shops. Get it?

Sometimes they all do go out to music shows or shows or they listen to bands, or they do go to pubs just to socialise a bit. And then they are too shy or too drunk to talk to one another during interval. Get it?

Just a tip to the guys. Pick-up lines are corny. Don’t think yours is particularly original. It’s still a pick-up line. What would be refreshingly original to most girls is if you just say Hi, tell her you would like to get to know her and invite her for coffee. One man asked me why girls always cover their wickets. I answered if men would stop bowling at the wickets, the girls would stop covering them.

Match making

Women will easily introduce their male friends to female friends hoping to match make. Men will not. They are very reluctant to introduce their female friends to their male friends or acquiantances. There are two reasons. Firstly, men believe they do not need help to find a girlfriend. Secretly, they know they do, but they will never admit it. It’s an ego thing. So if they introduce a girl to a guy, they are signalling that he can’t find his own woman.

Men don’t object too much if their girlfriends or wives set up dates for communal friends, as long as they are not involved in the process and it does not backfire on them. Sometimes they object, but the wife or girlfriend persists. (One of those examples where she is not listening to him.) He probably knows some secret about the male, which he would not want to divulge because he is loyal to his friend. So if he does not think his mate would make a good match for her new best friend, drop the issue and don’t ask questions.

The second reason why men don’t introduce their female friends to their male friends is a tribal matter – it is primal. A man regards his female friends as members of his tribe. He is responsible for her and protects her. He resents another male moving in on the women in his tribe. Men agree with this. They usually protest that the other male is not in her league.

It’s not fair to the girl, who can make up her own mind, but it is the way it is. If a girl’s male friends tell her that her new boyfriend is an ass, she had better believe them. Due to their hero sense of protection, they usually only have her best interests at heart. She is in the tribe. Men also regard match making as a lose-lose situation. Ultimately they are going to lose the male or the female friend or both, whether the couple break up or get hitched. Men hate losing anything. They are quite open to their girl buddies introducing them to their female friends, though. They sort of expect it.

Sometimes a man may actually agree to introduce a female friend to a male friend. Then that male usually carries his stamp of approval. They usually refer to such a man as a “smart guy.” He won’t mind her dating his pal, because he honestly believes the other man will look after her, but woe to the man who messes with his friends.

Men have a code that they are not supposed to date a friend’s ex-girlfriend or lover. Girls have such a code too, but girls are less inclined to stick to it. The reason is that it is a status symbol, especially to younger girls, to have boyfriends. They may cheat, steal and borrow to get one.

Young men are more comfortable with being single than young women. Mature older people may have a different opinion. Once they get over the initial hurt of the break-up, they would want exes to find happiness. Older people know love and happiness do not come around that easily or that often any more and one should pursue it, when the real thing presents itself. Therefore they sincerely wish their friends or exes to be happy – I did say MATURE people.