Protectors And Warriors – Needs vs. Needy

Needs vs. Needy

A man wants a woman to communicate her needs to him. How else would he be able to fulfill her needs, if he does not know what she wants? He can’t read her mind, so she has to tell him. However it often happens, once she communicates her needs, he calls her “needy”.

So I ask the men, what is the difference between a woman communicating her needs and a needy woman? A man wants a woman to need him, but he does not want her to be helpless and her needs must not distract him too much from his quest and require his full-time attention.

It’s fine for her to communicate her needs, but it depends how she does it and if she is persistent, she is needy. Timing is very important too – if it interferes with something else he would rather do, she is needy. If she shows appreciation, he is likely to continue fulfilling her needs, if she criticises, she is needy.

One man explained: “Like women, men need me-time too. When she clings to you like a heart-lung machine, she is needy. When I speak to another woman and she suddenly grabs my arm, interrupts and kisses my face, it is embarrassing and she is very needy.” One man gave me a very clear and precise answer – the difference between having needs and being needy is: “Nagging.”

Regarding timing, one man commented: “If she tells me she needs it done immediately and I drop whatever I planned doing, to do it for her, and I later discover it was not that urgent at all, then next time she requires me to do something urgently, I will disregard her ideas of how and when things need to be done. If she tells me why she needs it, I can determine how urgent it is.”



Case example

A man liked a certain woman, but dreaded visiting her, because he knew that would entail them sitting on the couch and talking. He was an introvert and shy and the thought of having nothing to say to her caused him much anxiety. Eventually he plucked up the courage and rang her doorbell. It was out of order. He called her and she opened the door. “Bring me a screwdriver,” he said, “so I can fix this doorbell.”

She did. “Since I am busy fixing this, do you have anything else that needs repairing?” he asked. She did. He spent the whole afternoon adjusting the geysers, changing light bulbs, fixing hair dryers, backwashing the pool pump and all the other bothersome little odd jobs.

She brought him coffee while he was working and they chatted. She also thanked him every time for repairing and adjusting everything and she smiled a lot. He later told me he had never had such a great time getting to know a girl. He was the action man, DOING stuff for her, and she was appreciative, TELLING him how great he is. Perfect.

If he feels needed and he can do something for her, which she cannot do on her own, then he feels good about himself as a man.

One man also explained: “If what she requires of me involves a heroic deed, I will do it, but I am also not just her puppy at her beck and call just because she wants me to hang around. Then she is needy. I have stuff to do.” Warriors have dragons to fight.



pantheonRead More About: Introverts and Extroverts