Pornography
(I am not discussing the topic of child pornography or other illegal activities in t
his book. Please refer to one of my other books on crime. I am also not entering into a discussion about the morality of pornography. I am discussing adult men’s views on the topic.)
Case example
One young lady of 19 years caught her boyfriend watching pornography on his laptop. She was bitterly upset. In the ensuing (one-sided) argument, she raised the fear that since she was a virgin before they slept together, perhaps her love making was inadequate, and that he compared the bodies of the porn-models to hers. Her self-esteem crashed. He was mortified and felt like a pervert. She expected him to promise to never-ever watch pornography again.
Most of the men who read this case study, just shook their heads. “If she wants him to promise never to watch porn, she should promise him never to have a bad mood during PMS,” said one. “But PMS is a biological female function she has no control over,” I answered. “So is watching porn to a man, it’s a biological need,” he answered.
Most men grow up watching pornography, since their teenage years. A man’s sexual sense is visual. That is why there is such a major pornography industry catering 99% to male viewers. They also masturbate since their teenage years and naturally turn to pornography as visual stimulation. Teenage girls masturbate too, by the way. Teenagers watch pornography because they are curious about sex and the female or male bodies. Teenage boys are brimming with hormones and curiosity. Sexual prowess, virility and experience are benchmarks of manhood and just as they compete on sports fields, they compete in this as well. It is part of being a man. Young men masturbate much more than young women do. They may even masturbate in the shower, right after they had sex with their girlfriends, just because they are aroused by the warm water, or the memory of what just happened. The poor young woman may jump to the conclusion that she was “not good enough.” “Just join him in the shower, sweetheart,” advise the older men.
As men grow older and mature, their interest in pornography may wane. They may watch it once a week, once a month or just every now and again. I asked them what would be the main reasons and they answered: “Just because I am bored.” “There is no current woman available, ie girlfriend.” “To relieve stress.” “Because I am a man and I can.” “Sometimes I watch it with my girlfriend.” “To check out a new technique.” “My girlfriend refuses to give me a blowjob, so I watch it on porn.” “If women expect men to stop fantasising about sex, then women should stop daydreaming about romance.”
Women generally object to pornography because they regard it as an exploitation of the female body and everything associated with that topic; because they feel their own bodies compare inadequately with those of the porn models’ and because they regard it as cheating.
Most of the men concur that they do not compare the bodies of the porn models and actresses with the bodies of their wives and girlfriends. Given the choice of whom they would rather make love to, they all answer they desire their girlfriends and wives. “My wife is a real person. If I have sex with a porn model, I might as well have sex with a blow-up doll. She is not real. My wife does not act in bed. Her enjoyment is real. That is a real turn-on to me.” “Only an insecure girl would be jealous of the body of a porn model and insecurity is a major turn-off. It’s the same as a woman only wanting to make love in the dark. I want to see her. My body is not perfect either, but it provides me with much pleasure. Hopefully she feels the same about her body,” said another.
The men also concur that watching pornography is not cheating. “Watching porn is a natural male activity, it actually has nothing to do with her. I do it in private and she should respect my privacy regarding this. If I wanted to cheat on her, I would break up with her.” Most men also advise that a woman should be grateful her man rather watches pornography, than seeking relief from a sex-worker or having an affair.
Some women like watching pornography with their partners and the general consensus among men is that they appreciate this. Not every time, but now and then it can offer variety and spice. Usually they may start watching a pornography DVD and then really get into their partners to the extent that they completely forget about the DVD.
How would one determine if a man is addicted to pornography? Generally in psychology the definition of an addiction or fetish is when a person prefers this activity to having normal sexual contact with another adult. In other words, if a man prefers watching pornography to actually having sex with his partner. Other indications of an addiction is when a person spends an unusual amount of time and money on an activity, to the extent that it interferes with their daily functioning and leads to financial debt. When watching and collecting pornography supersedes any other interests, sports and hobbies, we may have a problem. Continuously watching pornography may also lead to increasing curiosity and desiring more devious sexual practices. Adult mature men know the boundaries and they can distinguish between fantasy and reality.
Last word on pornography: Generally women would prefer men do not watch pornography. Generally men would prefer women not to have periods. Live with it.
Advice to the nineteen year old girl: Don’t lose your man because he is a man.