What is your number?

I know of women who have had multiple lovers, yet they will never be classified as sluts. They are discreet and classy and very interesting. A person’s level of experience does not necessarily correlate with the number of lovers they have had, and neither does their classy-slutty rating. One man put it very eloquently: “I don’t care how many previous lovers my current girlfriend had. Whoever crossed her path in her past, contributed in some sense to shape her into the woman she is today and that is the woman I fell in love with.” If someone keeps an alphabetical list with ratings and little stars allocated on their bedside table, we may have a problem.

Bad boys

When I interviewed men for the purpose of this book, they often said: “I am not like other men.” Then I replied: “What element of manhood do you not want to identify with?” They all answered that they disapprove of men who take sexual advantage of women. Why do men have a bad reputation when it comes to their sexual behaviour? Most men are quite aware of the fact that women get emotionally involved when they have sex. Yet the men prefer to ignore this, or hope she won’t. So he sleeps with her, because he needs the sex and then he disappears because he wants to avoid the emotions. “A time to come and a time to go, and this is usually five minutes apart,” said one man. “Come hell or high water, this cowboy is going to ride tonight,” said another bad boy.

Men pursue a woman and when she capitulates and he sleeps with her, he loses interest. This is hurtful. Yes, men do this, rather regularly and they hope they can get away with it.

This kind of behaviour gives men a bad name. This is using the girl for your own carnal pleasure. It is also a very dangerous thing to do with damaged girls, (who are usually the promiscuous girls) but we will discuss that later. The male slut actually has a bad reputation as much as the female version.

I am not denying that there are some people, of both genders, who truly do not mind indiscriminate no-strings-attached-sex. It’s just a pity that they sleep with people who do mind. Nobody wants to be just another f***. A woman is not a “take-away” sex shop. It is disrespectful and carries a health risk.

Some men take advantage of drunk girls, some men brag about the girls they have had one night stands with, and some men tend to tell very crude sexual jokes in the company of women. Women can be quite boisterous when they joke about sex as well and they can take these jokes. Some of these jokes are very funny, but there are limits. If sex is the only thing a man can talk about, if he gropes and goggles all the time, he is being a nuisance. This is the male equivalent of the woman being needy. Nothing wrong with a virile man, it’s sexy and attractive, but once it becomes a desperate preoccupation, it’s boring.

One man had sex with his girlfriend and half an hour later he broke up with her. He told her he came over with the intention of breaking up, but she looked sexy, so he decided to have sex one last time!